She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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