i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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