I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
