I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
