Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
