I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
