i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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