I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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