You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
