I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
