i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
