I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
