Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
