I just pynch a tree in the face
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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