I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
