I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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