Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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