I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
