So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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