its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He felt like a one man threesome
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
