You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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