his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
