Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
