my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
