i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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