i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
