yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
