they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
