i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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