I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
