I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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