I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
