just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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