3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
