things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
