woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
