Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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