It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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