My sheets look like a crime scene.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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