Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
