Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize