smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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