Don't make out with my wife yet
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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