My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
