Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
