I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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