she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
