Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize