you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
