You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
