friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Even my vagina gasped.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
