There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
