you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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